Studio Everywhere

Sand in my Underpants, the unwritten book of bad travel advice by Elena Orwick age 11

So my mom wants me to write a book.
And I don’t.  We made a compromise.

I’m writing a book report of a book you will never read, because it is a book I will never write.

The title of the book is:

“Sand In My Underpants: the ups and downs of a year around the world.”


Besides the advice on travel, this book includes stories of our adventure, and many chapters on bad travel advice, such as “How to get sick in every country.”
Some of the ideas includes…
Touching cats and dogs everywhere you go, cemetery cats are ideal

Licking door knobs
Shaking hands with village kids you have seen actively picking their noses.
Don’t be daring and drink water from the tap, be an absolute hero drink from the river

And much more!


One of the other chapters includes how to stand out as a tourist:

Fanny pack

Trying to become friends with all locals

Fishing hat and a camera

Wearing only Traditional Local cloths (you’re fooling no one)

Talk way too loudly

Make a point of expressing how everything different from home is wrong

Take a photo of you as if you are holding or pinching every single major tourist attraction in your palm

Remember Tripadvisor is “God” (don’t choose your trip let tripadvisor micromanage the whole thing)

And so much more exciting advice

This was an idea of a book I should never write, no one should, this is a book you will never read. You may have read this book report and told your cousin Kevin who’s a writer about this great book that nobody’s gonna read, and he’s gonna think it’s funny, he’s gonna try to write it but get frustrated with his lack of traveling experience, then he’ll travel for a year fall in love with the world, and ultimately forget that you ever told him about the book that no one will ever write, and come up with some way better and inspiring ideas, travel on cousin Kevin, travel on.

2 thoughts on “Sand in my Underpants, the unwritten book of bad travel advice by Elena Orwick age 11

  1. Cydne


    Please consider writing this book. Mom’s have the advantage of knowing what it is like to have had a once in a lifetime opportunity and have let it slip away.

    At the very least, don’t write the book, just write every idea for the book down somewhere. You could always decide later. This could be an amazing book that would be funny enough, and contain enough cheekiness to be interesting to younger readers as well as old, and I have a feeling that the actual beauty of your travels would be the real take away, especially if it included your photos.

    I know my son and I would certainly order it and read it. I have a feeling it would even inspire us to travel to exotic locations and pet cemetery cats (health warnings be darned).

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